hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
