she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
