i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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