I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
