She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I touched a dick in church today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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