I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
