office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
