ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am available for nakedness
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
