I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
