What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
