sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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