i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
