small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
