Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
