Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
