Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
