I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
