Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
