One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
