I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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