Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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