Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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