From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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