Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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