so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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