Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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