How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
