I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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