Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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