for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
