It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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