Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
