Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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