'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
