sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
