if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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