He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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