If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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