I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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