i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
