but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
