I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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