She's JV to your varsity
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
