I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
