We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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