I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
