I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
