CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
