the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
