i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
